Read my latest story, "The All-Nighter", at 52|250.

It is no new insight to say that, in any given situation, the primary burden of communication rests with the less powerful individual. What that means in practical terms is that if an autistic person such as myself misunderstands social subtle cues, this is considered another sign of a “disease”. On the other hand, if men fail to understand and heed women’s indirect communication in bed, people are much more willing to blame the women’s communication style (even if, as commenters in the the linked thread point out, there are reasons for using an indirect style).

The difference, however, goes beyond who has the power. When an autistic person misunderstands socially standardized forms of indirect communication, it asks the people attempting to use those forms to do something unusual and possibly be direct in a way that is generally considered unacceptable. In other words, it encourages the violations of social norms. In contrast, when a man does not understand a woman’s indirectly communicated sexual requests and continues on to do whatever he wants to do, it reifies male dominance. The form of misunderstanding that supports the status quo is acceptable.

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