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This sad story about an Ohio University college freshman whose roommates wanted him to move out after they learned he was gay reflects the stunning egocentricity of the center. The young man dealing with this intolerance wrote:

That was when I found out their real motivation. “Listen, we do not have a friend moving in. We were just trying to be nice; we both just feel really uncomfortable living with a homosexual.” Now what am I to do? I can’t leave because I’m not allowed, and I can’t stay because I fear for my own safety.

I’ve been talking back and forth with them and they feel that I am obligated to leave because of their discomfort. I wonder if they realize mine — especially when I read their statuses on Facebook declaring X is a homophobe at 8:58 p.m., and X hates faggots at 9:21 p.m.

Those who believe themselves to be normal– though they are rarely aware of this belief but, rather, of the “weirdness” of those around them– feel no sense of obligation to consider the feelings of others (the othered). They see their normalcy as meaning that they not only belong to a majority group in terms of numbers and percentages but also that they belong to the group that is correct and that behaves in correct ways. Other feelings need not be considered because they are aberrant and wrong.

The blinders this results in, this immense collective egocentricity, supports the kyriarchy, as those not seen are pushed lower in the pyramid. It is the same phenomenon that leads to misplaced compassion when it comes to autistic children and their (apparently) neurotypical families and that makes it so easy for white people to dismiss racism that isn’t explicit.  Appearing to subscribe to it is one of the most painful tests faced by those would pass as part of a dominant group to which they do not, in fact, belong. Of course, pretend enough, and you might start to believe it, creating a dramatic and traumatic split of the self, which I suppose makes one more vulnerable to the assumptions of the group.

No single idea can untangle all the overlapping oppressions in a society. Noticing the group egocentricity that informs them, however, can accelerate the process. The other can only be seen when the other speaks. For this reason among others, the young man facing his roommate’s bigotry is to be commended for his courage in writing a letter to the editor regarding his situation.

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