Read my latest story, "A Tale of Two Birthdays", at 52|250.

Mia Yun‘s “Brooklyn, First Spring” in The Evergreen Review #116 could use some pruning to bring out the beauty of the dogwood and magnolia. Longer lines that begin to sound a bit clunky parallel the problem of unnecessary similes (how much does comparing the dogwood blossoms to a “a young geisha / in a ravishing kimono” add?) and, more problematically, an attempt to encompass too much. The poem loses focus in its catalog of books, people, and places then comes out a whole new poem, moving from one about “exile in Brooklyn” relieved by spring flowerings (a feeling I myself know, though I personally cannot image preferring Manhattan) to a poem about 9/11 and its emotional aftermath.

The connection is there in the seasonal change, in what happens to the dogwood petals, but the distracting lists—the too much—detract from its significance, which limits the power of the poem.

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