Thursday Read Write Poem

datePosted on 16:22, November 5th, 2009 by EKSwitaj

Please sponsor my 5k swim coming up in April and help support Marie Curie Cancer Care, an organisation which provides home nursing care to people with terminal illnesses.

Two Rooms

two beds: neither belonging
 to the people in them
    rented for a night, for a year
cleaned sheets but stained
 or could use a wash
this week it's been a year

  since she left
that first white bed
   and rain soaked through her hair
   and the blue coat
she forgot (how) to button

two beds now
this one so small
they can't both fit on it
    other so big
she couldn't get out of it
away from it
             that other him
with thicker arms & crueler wrists

            it's raining now
she hears it
she recalls
             but leaves her blue coat
         hanging by metal on the red door
she doesn't need it
 in these new arms
  new greenbrown eyes
   new darkdark hair
she's loved inside

written in response to read write prompt #99: setting the scene

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11 Responses to “Thursday Read Write Poem”

  1. Paul Oakley on November 5th, 2009 at 5:27 pm

    Poignant! Moving.

    I like the images of the blue coat hanging on the red door, the rain…

    Very evocative of real emotion, Elizabeth. Nice!
    Paul Oakley’s last blog ..Dress (-down) rehearsal…

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    • EKSwitaj on November 5th, 2009 at 11:27 pm

      Thank you. I was trying to really focus on the specifics without making them seem too out of keeping with the everyday (thus red rather than, say, the color of watered-down Shiraz which is too distancing).

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  2. Dave on November 5th, 2009 at 9:03 pm

    “this one so small
    they can’t both fit on it
    other so big
    she couldn’t get out of it
    away from it”
    Would I be wrong to hear an echo there of the lyrics to the spiritual “Rock My soul in the Bosom of Abraham”? Anyway, I like this. Thanks for sharing it.

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    • EKSwitaj on November 5th, 2009 at 11:28 pm

      Hmm. I hadn’t made that connection while I was working on it, but now that you mention it, I can hear it. I’ll have to think more about this.

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  3. DJ Vorreyer on November 6th, 2009 at 1:11 am

    it’s been a year

    since she left
    that first white bed
    and rain soaked through her hair
    and the blue coat
    she forgot (how) to button

    This is a really nice detail – the way she gives in to what she needs to do, even to standing in the rain and her unbuttoned coat.

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  4. David Moolten on November 6th, 2009 at 11:23 am

    I like how the beds are clear metaphors for the people, as in a fairy tale or fable, and how the relationship occurs through their intriguing and quirky description. I love the last line, simple, declarative and powerful.
    David Moolten’s last blog ..Florence

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  5. gautami tripathy on November 6th, 2009 at 12:44 pm

    The two beds perfectly describe our innermost conflict. Thats the way I saw it. The Blue Coat and all.

    scrawled sheet of paper
    gautami tripathy’s last blog ..scrawled sheet of paper

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  6. Derrick on November 7th, 2009 at 2:42 pm

    I’m glad that the girl has left behind the things that were cruel and uncomfortable and is loved again.
    Derrick’s last blog ..Saturday Spotlight.

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    • EKSwitaj on November 8th, 2009 at 3:00 pm

      And I’m glad that aspect came across. :)

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  7. wayne on November 10th, 2009 at 4:47 am

    nicely done…thanks for sharing this

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  8. Therese Broderick on November 11th, 2009 at 10:45 pm

    This is very powerful. The image of the bed is a very potent image — the violence of giving birth, the comfort of children tucked in at night, the dangers of making love, the death bed. You negotiate these undercurrents very well in this poem. I sense several of them — young children, safety, adults, different dangers. But you don’t give away all the details. Suggestive in a sure way.
    Therese Broderick’s last blog ..ReadWritePoem #100

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