|
Elizabeth Kate Switaj
|
|
Read my latest story, "A Tale of Two Birthdays", at 52|250. Two Roomstwo beds: neither belonging
to the people in them
rented for a night, for a year
cleaned sheets but stained
or could use a wash
this week it's been a year
since she left
that first white bed
and rain soaked through her hair
and the blue coat
she forgot (how) to button
two beds now
this one so small
they can't both fit on it
other so big
she couldn't get out of it
away from it
that other him
with thicker arms & crueler wrists
it's raining now
she hears it
she recalls
but leaves her blue coat
hanging by metal on the red door
she doesn't need it
in these new arms
new greenbrown eyes
new darkdark hair
she's loved inside
written in response to read write prompt #99: setting the scene Possibly Related Classroom Projects From
DonorsChoose.org
Powered by Social Actions
Related Ways to Take Action:
Powered by Social Actions
Related posts:
Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin. |
Poignant! Moving.
I like the images of the blue coat hanging on the red door, the rain…
Very evocative of real emotion, Elizabeth. Nice!
Paul Oakley’s last blog ..Dress (-down) rehearsal…
Like or Dislike:
0
0
Thank you. I was trying to really focus on the specifics without making them seem too out of keeping with the everyday (thus red rather than, say, the color of watered-down Shiraz which is too distancing).
Like or Dislike:
0
0
“this one so small
they can’t both fit on it
other so big
she couldn’t get out of it
away from it”
Would I be wrong to hear an echo there of the lyrics to the spiritual “Rock My soul in the Bosom of Abraham”? Anyway, I like this. Thanks for sharing it.
Like or Dislike:
0
0
Hmm. I hadn’t made that connection while I was working on it, but now that you mention it, I can hear it. I’ll have to think more about this.
Like or Dislike:
0
0
it’s been a year
since she left
that first white bed
and rain soaked through her hair
and the blue coat
she forgot (how) to button
This is a really nice detail – the way she gives in to what she needs to do, even to standing in the rain and her unbuttoned coat.
Like or Dislike:
0
0
I like how the beds are clear metaphors for the people, as in a fairy tale or fable, and how the relationship occurs through their intriguing and quirky description. I love the last line, simple, declarative and powerful.
David Moolten’s last blog ..Florence
Like or Dislike:
0
0
The two beds perfectly describe our innermost conflict. Thats the way I saw it. The Blue Coat and all.
scrawled sheet of paper
gautami tripathy’s last blog ..scrawled sheet of paper
Like or Dislike:
0
0
I’m glad that the girl has left behind the things that were cruel and uncomfortable and is loved again.
Derrick’s last blog ..Saturday Spotlight.
Like or Dislike:
0
0
And I’m glad that aspect came across.
Like or Dislike:
0
0
nicely done…thanks for sharing this
Like or Dislike:
0
0
This is very powerful. The image of the bed is a very potent image — the violence of giving birth, the comfort of children tucked in at night, the dangers of making love, the death bed. You negotiate these undercurrents very well in this poem. I sense several of them — young children, safety, adults, different dangers. But you don’t give away all the details. Suggestive in a sure way.
Therese Broderick’s last blog ..ReadWritePoem #100
Like or Dislike:
0
0